Life and Vulnerability

It is interesting to notice our own vulnerability in life.  I am 37 years old and still can feel vulnerable in different situations in my life.  Does this make me sensitive or alive?  It is the reading of “Hold Me Tight” by Dr. Sue Johnson that has gotten me to thinking about connections in life, with friends/family and most importantly with my self.  What does vulnerability mean?  Feeling close with others and being comfortable with needing others.  This is an aspect of vulnerability that is hardest for most.  I was just talking with a friend we were discussing what it feels like to need others.  But having a “secure connection with a loved one is empowering” Dr. Sue Johnson.   When we feel emotionally safe with others we will feel safer in the vulnerabilities of life, the ups and downs that life brings.  Even when life is hard, which does happen, we feel more secure and safe because we know that how we feel matters to someone else.

Stop and think “who can I feel vulnerable with”? Can I be vulnerable with my self?  What would that look like?

Tags: change and life, Life and vulnerability, life transitions

Emotional Boundaries within families

I have been noticing that more and more people are hurting from the emotional pain that they have taken on from their parents pain.  This means that when you were a child you may have been the emotional sounding board for your parents pain or emotional process.  This is more likely to happen if your parents are going through divorce or feel stuck in a dysfunctional relationship and the parent has poor emotional boundaries.  If your parent did not have the tools to process their own emotions or have the support from other adults to process their feelings, they may have turned to you, their child.  This was not done in malice but in the pain of their own experience and poor boundaries.

What can happen though is that as little beings we love and want out parents to be happy, and we want to feel needed and wanted.  For some though they take on the pain and hurt as their own, you internalize it.  Which can end up haunting us later in life, added to our own pain and stress of life (or as positive: Growth).  When our own stuff is affecting our lives or making it difficult to grow in our adult years we may feel the added burden from our parents painful stress and/or stories of their past.

It is at this time that you can go through a process, most likely in therapy with the support and guidance of a therapist, where you can heal the pain and memories and seperate what your emotional pain/stress is from your parents.  Lear to have clear and healthy boundaries within your life.

(As always these are my thoughts not intended for therapy but for something to think about.  Always get personal advice from a lic. therapist in your area.)

Tags: parenting, sharing with children, too much talk with kids

America and Loneliness

In the process of doing therapy I have come to this conclusion once more that as a society we are so tapped in with cell phones, the internet, TV, Facebook, Twitter . . . . But yet we feel so alone.  How can that be?  Where does connectedness come from?  How do we know when we feel connected?

For most this connectedness is an external thing.  I feel connected when someone cares about me.  When I have voice mail, when I have email.  These are all external factors.  Not internal.  Which brings me to the concept that feeling connected is feeling connected with your self.  When I go within I find . . . me

What happens when you go within?  Does that even make sense to you?  For some feeling connected is a concept for relationships (friendships or lovers) not an internal feeling of being at “Peace” or “Centered” if you will.  For some it feels scary and even unsafe to go there, within.

Finding internal Peace or connecting with your self is a journey that each of us partakes in.  For some it feels like a walk in a park but for others it can feel like Heal.  A constant struggle.

Why is that?  What is it about some who move through life with ease while others suffer?

When we go through life we each have experiences.  For some the process of processing those experiences is easy, almost unconscious.  Some move through life with ease.  For others the experiences of life are like chapters that never end.  Something happens and you find your self re-experiencing those feelings again and again.  Or sometimes those feelings of our experiences just disappear.  We have becomes so good at distracting ourselves that overwhelming emotions or thoughts may just disappear.  Where do our unprocessed experiences of life go?  They go into your unconscious.  Once your unconscious is full the smallest thing can trigger an over flow or explosion if you will.  This is why the smallest thing can sometimes have the biggest reaction.  Have you ever had something very minor happen but the emotions you feel are life a erupting volcano.

If you feel alone in life most likely this is not a new concept but an old part of you.  Now is the time to find that inner connectedness or peace and teach your self that having peace and connectedness is possible.

Intervention:

The next time you feel alone remind your self that you are “with your self”.  Find an affirmation that is simple and supports your process of healing your negative self image be it emotional or physical.  It can be as simple as “I love and approve of my self”.  Then say it every time you experience or think a negative thought or emotion.  By repeating your positive affirmation you are able to go into the unconscious and shift that internal belief system.  Practice this positive self affirmation three times a day at least.  If you find yourself getting caught up in the emotional relationship with the words in your positive affirmation try using a mantra in another language or Sanskrit.  For a positive mantra email and I will help you find what fits best for you.  You can also google Kundalini Yoga, Buddhist Mantras, Jewish/Hebrew mantras or other.  Don’t let your mind limit you in finding the perfect mantra for your change.

For more info about affirmations to replace and heal self esteem or negative self thoughts google and a large selection with come up. Make sure to check out www.lousiehay.com

Tags: change and happiness, depression, Loneliness, Lousie Hay, positive change, self image, The Answer, The Secret