Madhur-Nain Webster

Life and Vulnerability

readmin — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 16:41:24 +0000

It is interesting to notice our own vulnerability in life. I am 37 years old and still can feel vulnerable in different situations in my life. Does this make me sensitive or alive? It is the reading of “Hold Me Tight” by Dr. Sue Johnson that has gotten me to thinking about connections in life, with friends/family and most importantly with my self. What does vulnerability mean? Feeling close with others and being comfortable with needing others. This is an aspect of vulnerability that is hardest for most. I was just talking with a friend we were discussing what it feels like to need others. But having a “secure connection with a loved one is empowering” Dr. Sue Johnson. When we feel emotionally safe with others we will feel safer in the vulnerabilities of life, the ups and downs that life brings. Even when life is hard, which does happen, we feel more secure and safe because we know that how we feel matters to someone else.

Stop and think “who can I feel vulnerable with”? Can I be vulnerable with my self? What would that look like?

Emotional Boundaries within families

readmin — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 16:10:11 +0000

I have been noticing that more and more people are hurting from the emotional pain that they have taken on from their parents pain. This means that when you were a child you may have been the emotional sounding board for your parents pain or emotional process. This is more likely to happen if your parents are going through divorce or feel stuck in a dysfunctional relationship and the parent has poor emotional boundaries. If your parent did not have the tools to process their own emotions or have the support from other adults to process their feelings, they may have turned to you, their child. This was not done in malice but in the pain of their own experience and poor boundaries.

What can happen though is that as little beings we love and want out parents to be happy, and we want to feel needed and wanted. For some though they take on the pain and hurt as their own, you internalize it. Which can end up haunting us later in life, added to our own pain and stress of life (or as positive: Growth). When our own stuff is affecting our lives or making it difficult to grow in our adult years we may feel the added burden from our parents painful stress and/or stories of their past.

It is at this time that you can go through a process, most likely in therapy with the support and guidance of a therapist, where you can heal the pain and memories and seperate what your emotional pain/stress is from your parents. Lear to have clear and healthy boundaries within your life.

(As always these are my thoughts not intended for therapy but for something to think about. Always get personal advice from a lic. therapist in your area.)

America and Loneliness

readmin — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 05:29:53 +0000

In the process of doing therapy I have come to this conclusion once more that as a society we are so tapped in with cell phones, the internet, TV, Facebook, Twitter . . . . But yet we feel so alone. How can that be? Where does connectedness come from? How do we know when we feel connected?

For most this connectedness is an external thing. I feel connected when someone cares about me. When I have voice mail, when I have email. These are all external factors. Not internal. Which brings me to the concept that feeling connected is feeling connected with your self. When I go within I find . . . me

What happens when you go within? Does that even make sense to you? For some feeling connected is a concept for relationships (friendships or lovers) not an internal feeling of being at “Peace” or “Centered” if you will. For some it feels scary and even unsafe to go there, within.

Finding internal Peace or connecting with your self is a journey that each of us partakes in. For some it feels like a walk in a park but for others it can feel like Heal. A constant struggle.

Why is that? What is it about some who move through life with ease while others suffer?

When we go through life we each have experiences. For some the process of processing those experiences is easy, almost unconscious. Some move through life with ease. For others the experiences of life are like chapters that never end. Something happens and you find your self re-experiencing those feelings again and again. Or sometimes those feelings of our experiences just disappear. We have becomes so good at distracting ourselves that overwhelming emotions or thoughts may just disappear. Where do our unprocessed experiences of life go? They go into your unconscious. Once your unconscious is full the smallest thing can trigger an over flow or explosion if you will. This is why the smallest thing can sometimes have the biggest reaction. Have you ever had something very minor happen but the emotions you feel are life a erupting volcano.

If you feel alone in life most likely this is not a new concept but an old part of you. Now is the time to find that inner connectedness or peace and teach your self that having peace and connectedness is possible.

Intervention:

The next time you feel alone remind your self that you are “with your self”. Find an affirmation that is simple and supports your process of healing your negative self image be it emotional or physical. It can be as simple as “I love and approve of my self”. Then say it every time you experience or think a negative thought or emotion. By repeating your positive affirmation you are able to go into the unconscious and shift that internal belief system. Practice this positive self affirmation three times a day at least. If you find yourself getting caught up in the emotional relationship with the words in your positive affirmation try using a mantra in another language or Sanskrit. For a positive mantra email and I will help you find what fits best for you. You can also google Kundalini Yoga, Buddhist Mantras, Jewish/Hebrew mantras or other. Don’t let your mind limit you in finding the perfect mantra for your change.

For more info about affirmations to replace and heal self esteem or negative self thoughts google and a large selection with come up. Make sure to check out www.lousiehay.com

Workshop in Napa: Forgive For Good by Dr. Fred LuskinSon

readmin — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 05:31:25 +0000

A one day workshop with Dr. Fred Luskin

Learn to forgive and let go. Learn what Forgiveness is all about and learn how to bring this great concept into your life to shift and change your old or painful ways of thinking.

A one day workshop

Saturday Oct. 9th from 9-5,

pre-registration $125

at the door $150.

Lunch on your own.

(CEU’s for MFT’s and others)

More information to follow or check Dr. Fred Luskin’s website www.learningtoforgive.com.

This workshop is sponsored by Madhur-Nain Webster LMFT

See you there

Breathe for Anxiety and Panic Attacks

readmin — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 05:24:50 +0000

I have been finding that the main issue that clients are bringing to therapy is anxiety. Are you one of the many who suffer from anxiety or panic attacks? For so many it is a physical feeling that manifests in so many different ways: light headiness, shortness of breath, numbness in different parts of your body, you feel like you are going to faint or wishing you could just disappear (not suicide but a feeling that this physical feeling that comes over me ever so quickly is so overwhelming that I want to just disappear, I want it to stop). As I notice my clients talking about this anxiety I notice that the more they talk about it the more their breath changes. They become anxious just talking about feeling anxious (it is so real). This got me to thinking and noticing that most people don’t breath correctly. Most breath using their top part of their lungs only and not their diaphragm at all. That means that when you breath you are holding your stomach in and there for not releasing all the co2 or getting enough oxygen. When we don’t breath correctly our body (organs and glands) react in fight or flight. Our body gets the single that it has to work harder to get the oxygen it needs to function. But if you are breathing incorrctly and having thoughts or experiences that are anxiety producing, the body starts to over work. The heart rate goes up or the body tempiture goes up, we break out into an hot or cold sweat and all this physical feelings then reinforce the emotional or negative thought patterns. What you end up with is feeling anxious with a panic attack. You feel trapped.

So what to do? Stop. . . Breath . . . Invite your mind to follow the pattern of your breathe and then slowly slow your breath down. Focus on pulling your naval/belly button into the back of your spine on the exhale and open your diaphram and lungs when inhaling. This process helps with nutralizing your thoughts and experience. It is like distracting your self with something that helps rather then something that hurts you (like addictive things or destructive things). For prevention try sitting daily for at least 3 min. and breath long and deep focusing your mind on the rythem of your breath. Allow your breath to teach you the process of trust. Try it today!

(I am not a doctor and have learned this information in the years of teaching and studying yoga for most of my life. I have listened to many health professionals and have read about the use of our body and how it functions. To learn more about breath work and how it can heal anxiety, panic attacks, depression and more check our articles and books by Dr. Andrew Weil (www.drweil.com) or talk with your personal doctor. For a more Eastern/Yogic approach check out (www.kriteachings.org). This is not for medical treatment but for a tool to support and heal your anxiety and panic attacks)

Holiday Season is coming

admin — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 00:12:32 +0000

The holiday season is coming soon and with that there can be stress. Stress about money, stress related to emotional issues with family members or past events. For some this time of year is wonderful and joyful but for others it can be painful. What can one do to change the negative habits of past pain in to joy in the NOW? First off we have to change the habit by bringing in a new habit. Most of you may think I need to heal the past and for some of you that could be very true, this is when you find a therapist to work with. But for others it is really only a broken record that never stops playing. If this is the case bringing in a new habit to bring about change can be helpful. This can happen in a couple of ways. You can use the mind over matter philosophy of positive affirmations. Just take that negative thought and replace it with a positive thought. You may want a good friend to double check that affirmation to make sure it does not sound like this “I am not going to be negative”. Now you may think that is good, right? Well it is just taking a negative thought and giving it a little face lift. It is not changing it from with in. Another way to say this would be “I experience positivity in my self and all who surround me”. See the difference. Then you would say this affirmation every time you think a negative thought or have a negative feeling. It may feel like a lot at first but over a short time you will find that the positive thought is a lot stronger then the negative thought. Another way to change holiday habits is using breathing. How many of you have stopped and really breathed? Stopping and breathing for 3 min. will change the frequency within you. This breathe is a deep naval breath. You sit comfortably in a chair or on the ground, your spine is straight and your hands are relaxed in your lap or on your knees. As you Begin to inhale you inhale into your nose starting from your naval point and continue to inhale allowing the breath to move up into your lungs and then hold it. Then as you exhale you first relax your shoulders, then your chest and last you pull your naval in at the end of the breath, exhale. Then start again. Try it the next time you feel that sense of dread surrounding holiday events.